My Box

I'm going crazy I'm going insane can someone heal my pain?

"CHRIS!" I screamed his name across the entire courtyard, running to my best friend, jumping on him and then smacking him for not calling.
He laughed his awesomely happy laugh.
"I've missed you so much!" he said as he hugged me.
Yes, Chris is gay, he's been gay ever since we were… well born, everyone knows, and he's totally open about it, always has been.
" I know, I was like, wanting to call you but your with your family and all so I didn't know if it was a good idea."
We started chit-chatting, talking about his trip.
And let me clear things up a bit, even though Chris is gay, he's absolutely buff and has a VERY manly voice.
I had taken one of his back-packs, and we were walking so we could strait to our favorite coffee shop.
He laughed at my most stupid jokes, and I laughed at his.
Time seemed to slow down, as I watched him enjoy himself. He may have always been open about his sexuality, but he hasn't always been comfortable about it.
He looked so happy….
And that's why, that's why I couldn't tell him, or anyone, I would never.
Because that would mean giving up the most important thing to me.
I loved Chris, I wanted him to know, I wanted to show him, but I loved him too much to put him through that pressure.
So I'll sit here, in my pretend world, acting like I'm not wishing that he could love me back. Not showing that I would even change myself for his love, pretending that I know I wouldn't be able to do that.
I'll sit here, in my box, oblivious to the world.
And so will he.